So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
