there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
