I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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