So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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