Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
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Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
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I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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