Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
