just come out here and I will go home with you...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
