those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
