Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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