Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
