mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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