I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
