A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
