let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
