looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize