I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
