dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
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