i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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