I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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