if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
