I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
