do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
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HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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