this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
