you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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