clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
