You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
