please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you win again, gameday.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
