My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
