speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
