Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
