We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
