sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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