What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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