So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
is wine microwaveable?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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