Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
