so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
