I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
