dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
