Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
