so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
