What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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