how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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