Don't make out with my wife yet
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
