sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
