you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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