Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
