so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
