I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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