great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
