so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
