i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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