but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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