finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
