I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
