What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
