I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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