at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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