lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
PANTIES FOUND
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
