you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
