My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize