I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
