Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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