eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
