It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize