What a fucking waste of an outfit
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
