Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
