Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize